Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The Day You Left

A hot, blistering day begins
With a flustered morning
Waiting for you, pining, aching
Your call, a whiff of your voice
And I race to the door

And wait and wait and wait
Until your curly hair enters
My field of vision. Escalator
Ascending. Blue shirt. Shoulders.
You walk the wrong way
And I run, run, run...
Embrace. Relief. Peace.
I cling onto you for life
With time ticking frantically
Every minute bursts
With the pang of your departure
Every time you look at me
Mixed with the happiness you bring
Come waves and waves of sadness

And we walk. Hot, sweaty, hand in hand
The sun can't burn away
The hurt I feel looking at you
My stomach churns with dread
For when you'll say goodbye
My blue-shirt-curly-haired handsome

You stand by the gate with me
Wanting to stay and needing to leave
I curse the forces that pull you from me
I hold back the rain
Choking my eyes, burning
And try to smile. Try to let you go.
I can't. A hug. Another. Another.
Can't erase the heaviness I feel

So, as always, I run from my sadness
I walk away from you, faster
Hoping you don't see me and cry
Sitting in a bus stop
Head in my hands, trying
To numb out the hurt
You see me. You mouth something
I don't understand

I am drawn to you
Like a magnet
I follow the blue shirt in the rickshaw
I follow you like a lost puppy
I run, run, run...
Hoping, irrationally, that you will stop
And come back to me
Instead you accelerate
Around a bend, I lose sight
Of the blue shirt. I'm blind
With hot, lava-like tears
Sweating panting running
Trying to catch a glimpse
A flash, a touch of blue
In the crowded street ahead
Nothing but my ragged breath
Alien unattractive strangers
And thoughts of kisses, laughs, tentative smiles
Of a tiny silver ring on a big finger
Of your quick entry into my world
And your even swifter departure

The tears rain on ceaselessly
I walk and walk and walk and walk
To nowhere; lost without you
No polestars, no blue shirts
For direction

I still cannot fathom the pain
This goodbye brings


As strongly as the heart yearns
For home, good company, familiarity
So the heart embraces the new
And welcome winds of change

As I ache for the cool touch
Of my mother's weathered fingers
Her clatter in the kitchen
Her halo of protection and comfort
So I stand wide-eyed, excited
For me new-found freedom
Bearing new responsibilities
With a smile and strong stance

As furiously as I cling to
The part of me i left behind
So I let this new person
Find her soul

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Missing Ma

You burst with beautiful energy

You laugh and you become a child

I ache for that laugh, its warmth

It reminds me how similar we are

Your fingers worn soft

Telling your motherly tales

You read me, meticulously

Every smile, every movement

To you I am transparent

My lies fall to pieces before you

My tears, hidden within bathroom walls

Some you caused, and some others

From when I was a seed inside you

You could feel my heart beat

Even today, you sense every single

One of my sorrows

I get so angry at you sometimes

And you at me, we fight

But when I lie down to sleep

All I can think of is that I let you down

Tonight, in this cold hostel room

I miss you, your touch, your hug

Your words that curl around me

Like a well-worn sweater

I regret sleeping late into the morning

Instead of being around you

I take you for granted

And now I hate myself for it

I would have said all this to you

Cuddled up next to you

Over and over how much I love you

But we never do that. We argue. We hug.

I am falling to pieces without you here

Tonight I just want your presence

I look at your photograph

It isn’t enough. I miss you.


when language like bubbling streams flow

when words are laid down to fit like lovers' hands

when you feel the essence of the poet from within

when swirling thoughts are caught in the net of rhythm

when images reel as you read

when pen and paper create a symphony

then, it is poetry