Father

Big shoulders strong enough

To protect

From everything

Speeding car, leering men, broken heart

Eyes that twinkle more often

Than they cloud

With anger or fear

Light brown pools of hidden emotion

Never perfect, yet seeming just so

Efficient

Machine

Yet more than lazy enough to be human

Downs a pint of whiskey (only the best)

A gentleman

Controlled

Loose, but never a drunken swagger

The smoothest driver, shifting gears

With ease

Experience

That cannot be taught, only admired

The kite flyer, the ocean swimmer

Careful

And carefree

The one who taught me to ride a wave

Brimming with stories and terrible jokes

A father

A friend

Switching between roles seamlessly

Missing Ma

You burst with beautiful energy

You laugh and you become a child

I ache for that laugh, its warmth

It reminds me how similar we are

Your fingers worn soft

Telling your motherly tales

You read me, meticulously

Every smile, every movement

To you I am transparent

My lies fall to pieces before you

My tears, hidden within bathroom walls

Some you caused, and some others

From when I was a seed inside you

You could feel my heart beat

Even today, you sense every single

One of my sorrows

I get so angry at you sometimes

And you at me, we fight

But when I lie down to sleep

All I can think of is that I let you down

Tonight, in this cold hostel room

I miss you, your touch, your hug

Your words that curl around me

Like a well-worn sweater

I regret sleeping late into the morning

Instead of being around you

I take you for granted

And now I hate myself for it

I would have said all this to you

Cuddled up next to you

Over and over how much I love you

But we never do that. We argue. We hug.

I am falling to pieces without you here

Tonight I just want your presence

I look at your photograph

It isn’t enough. I miss you.

Family

This is a very personal poem, something I wrote when I was bursting with tears. I fear that the emotion I felt at the time cannot be aptly portrayed through my words, but I hope I can share a tiny sliver.

You say we are not family

But do you mean it?

Can you spend a day not worrying

If your children are safe?

The home we made

Seems like a prison to you

But it is my solace

The place where I find family

But you say we are not your family

Who am I to you, Mamma?

Am I simply some child?

Am I a burden in your arms?

Are you forced to love me

Because we are bound by blood?

I love you despite your words

I beg you, I kneel, I cry

For you to feel in your heart

My ever flowing love

But I am not your family

Then how can you feel the peace 

That i feel when I come home

To have three people I can readily

Give my life for

That I can always lean on

That are a part of my being

Yet, you know not this family

And without you

We are simply people

Waiting for the missing beat

That you took away

Each in our own way 

Love you unconditionally

Can you not love us? 

Sharing Blood

To my favourite tune I sing along

Is he psychic?

He walks in humming the exact song

That's how I know

Me and my bro

Share blood

I fight with the little tyke

For the T.V. remote

Whoa! It's the same channel we like

Did you know

Me and my bro

Share blood.

All set for the jamming party

But to get embarrassed

I notice our identical jeans and tees

It goes to show

Me and my bro

Share blood

Dreaded day at the clinic

What are the results?

O+ve after the needle prick

Now everyone knows

Me and my bro

Share blood

Chachan

Come back, come home.
Return to this broken heart
'Tis not your time yet.

I awed you, my Chachan
Like an old song, not God would replace
You float in my memories, hazily.

Just to lay these tear filled eyes

On you
Anything, would I stake
Just come back.

I see you in me,
I see your energy in everyone here.
I see your smile frozen in a picture
A time when we laughed together.

Cheating time, if we didn't part

If I were your little mol again;
We'd watch the fields, as the sun set.

Photographs can never do justice;

Swinging on your lungi

Sitting upon strong shoulders

Looking into those wise eyes;

Pictures are worthless.

Embrace me in those wrinkled arms
As your final goodbye
I miss you too much.

GLOSSARY
Chachan : father

Mol : daughter (pronounce "mole")
Lungi : Long coloured cloth used by indian men as clothing to wrap around the waist. (pronounce "loon-gee")